


Case One: The missing peanut butter and jelly shoe

by alchemicink



Series: The Continuing Adventures of Sherlock Yamada and Keito Watson [1]
Category: Hey! Say! JUMP
Genre: Crack Fic, Gen, Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-22
Updated: 2014-06-22
Packaged: 2018-02-05 19:15:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1829218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alchemicink/pseuds/alchemicink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Leave all your worries behind,” Yamada exclaimed with a dramatic flourish of his arms. “We are here to solve your problems!”</p><p>“Oh for goodness sakes…” Keito muttered under his breath. Yamada always seemed to go crazy when he was pretending to be a detective.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Case One: The missing peanut butter and jelly shoe

**Author's Note:**

> This is vaguely based off of Yamada and Keito's part in my other fic, [HSJ and the Terrible, Horrible...](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1290979/) it's a really long title whatever. You don't have to have read it to understand this fic though. You don't need to be familiar with Sherlock Holmes either. 
> 
> Also inspired by a comment section chat with Nachtegael. Hope you enjoy this! ^_^
> 
> I plan for this to be a continuing series and I'm taking suggestions for mysteries to solve. Feel free to leave a suggestion in the comments if you'd like! The more ridiculous, the better!

“Keito! We have a client!” Yamada shouted as he burst through the doorway and into the break room. 

Keito, who had been sleeping in a chair, was startled and fell onto the floor. He blinked a few times and rubbed his head. “What are you even talking about?” Keito asked. He wondered if perhaps he was still dreaming and that he’d somehow stumbled into a nightmare. But the pain in his head and backside from where he’d landed on the floor felt all too real and disproved that theory. 

“We have a case! A mystery to solve!” Yamada continued. He was swinging his magnifying glass around as he surveyed the room. “Let’s go speak to our client.” He grabbed Keito’s arm and dragged him out of the room and down the hallway to an empty meeting room. Keito tried to resist but Yamada was surprisingly strong when he was determined to do something, and perhaps the wooziness from hitting his head on the floor didn’t help Keito much either. 

Inside the room, Yuto was sitting at the table. His fingers were tapping nervously on the table in complex rhythms. In fact, Keito was getting concerned that Yuto’s fingers might put dents into the wooden table if he continued much longer.

“Leave all your worries behind,” Yamada exclaimed with a dramatic flourish of his arms. “We are here to solve your problems!”

“Oh for goodness sakes…” Keito muttered under his breath. Yamada always seemed to go crazy when he was pretending to be a detective.

“You promise you’ll find it?” Yuto asked Yamada. He quit tapping his fingers and then clasped his hands together like an anxious parent looking for his lost child in a shopping mall.

“What are you missing?” Keito asked. He was only mildly curious because knowing Yuto, he’d probably just misplaced his lucky pencil or something. Yuto had some sort of crisis just about every other day. (Usually it just involved him not having enough money to buy something from the vending machine.)

“It’s my left shoe!” Yuto announced with overdramatic anguish. His eyes were starting to tear up, and Yamada gave him a comforting pat on the shoulder.

Keito leaned over and looked at Yuto’s feet. Unless the head injury was making him hallucinate, it looked to Keito like Yuto was wearing both of his shoes for dance practice. “Did you try checking your feet?” he asked. 

“Not those shoes,” Yuto explained with a dismissive wave. “I had another pair of shoes in my bag to change into after practice.”

Yamada had pulled out a small notepad and pencil and was scribbling down some notes. “Alright, we’re gonna need all the details. Start from the beginning.” 

“Well I bought the shoes a month ago from a discount website I found while surfing the web one night…”

“Skip ahead a bit,” Yamada requested.

“Perhaps to today,” Keito added, feeling the need to hurry this along. 

Yuto nodded. He was back to tapping his fingers on the table again. “Well, I had my bag with me and I went into the costume room to look at our new outfits. I heard that they were finally ready. Have you seen them yet?”

“Oh yeah,” Yamada nodded. “I saw them yesterday. Whose idea was it to use a flower pattern anyway?”

“Inoo told me the costume designers used some discounted curtains as the fabric but I think he was lying to me,” Yuto said. Inoo had been known to… stretch the truth for fun from time to time. He usually ended up starting some odd rumors that way. Most recently, he’d inadvertently convinced some young juniors that a boogieman lived in the first floor janitor closet. 

Keito cleared his throat. “So, um, the shoes?” At this rate, he didn’t think they were ever going to start looking for the missing shoe.

“Right,” Yuto continued with a solemn nod. “When I left, I tripped over the end of one of the costume racks, dropped my bag, and everything fell out. I looked everywhere but I couldn’t find the shoe.”

“And what does it look like?”

Yuto’s eyes lit up like a child who’d just been given an extra bit of dessert on his birthday. “Oh my gosh, they are so awesome!” he exclaimed. “They’re my Kevin Durant Nike Peanut Butter and Jelly sneakers!”

“I don’t even know who Kevin Durant is,” Keito said, mostly to himself because Yuto was continuing his enthusiastic description. 

“Anyway, the shoes are yellow with black trim and the Nike check is a shiny purple color. And they have KD written on the heel part.” 

“That sounds… interesting,” Keito said. And by _interesting_ , he actually meant _hideous_. He wasn’t even going to begin to guess what peanut butter and jelly had to do with a pair of shoes. He glanced over at Yamada’s notes and saw that he hadn’t even written the description down. He was busy writing speculations over who Kevin Durant was and he’d just drawn a line through _famous designer?_ and wrote _famous chef?_ instead.

Yuto clasped his hands together again. “You have to find the shoe,” he begged. “I need them both! They were expensive!”

“Never fear,” Yamada announced and stood up. He tossed his magnifying glass up in the air and then caught it with one hand while striking a cool pose. “We are on the case. Come along, Watson.” He walked out the door without even a glance over his shoulder, just expecting Keito to follow him. 

Keito sighed and got up. “Aren’t you coming to look too?” he asked Yuto before he left. 

Yuto blinked. “Of course not. I’m not a detective.”

“Neither are we,” Keito muttered, but he didn’t argue. He knew he was fighting a losing battle. It was a good thing he had nothing better to do today.

 

“You would think a bright yellow shoe wouldn’t be that hard to find,” Yamada said, crossing his arms while deep in thought.

Keito surveyed the rows of multi-colored costumes and the shelves of shoes lining the wall. “It wouldn’t be if the shoe was anywhere other than the Johnny’s costume room.” 

Yamada apparently decided that he needed to slip back into detective mode, so he posed with one hand resting on his hip and the other pointing dramatically into the distance. “Okay, the first rule of detective work is to observe the scene of the crime. Look for anything odd.”

“You mean odder than all these sparkly pants?” 

“Anything could be important. Even what you smell.”

“All I can smell is sweaty costumes. When do you think they last washed these?” 

They spent all of three minutes searching for the missing shoe before Yamada was distracted by stumbling across their new costumes Yuto had mentioned earlier.

“Wow,” Yamada said, staring at the row of flowery suits. “Now that he mentioned it, the pattern really _does_ look like it could have been someone’s curtains.”

Keito shrugged. It could be worse. At this point in his boy-band career, he was just grateful they hadn’t put them in see-through pants yet. Yamada was busy examining the seams on the flowery pants when Takaki walked in.

“Inoo told me our new costumes were made out of curtains,” Takaki said as he walked up to them both. “But I think he was lying to me.” Then he caught sight of the suits in question. “Or maybe not. I think my grandma has some curtains like that.”

“Not anymore,” Keito muttered. 

“A potential witness!” Yamada exclaimed, suddenly remembering their case, and he turned away from the pants to wave his magnifying glass in Takaki’s face. Keito didn’t bother to mention that Takaki couldn’t have been a witness if he wasn’t even in the costume room earlier.

“Huh?” Takaki blinked. He leaned away ever so slightly from the magnifying glass being shoved in his face.

“What do you know about peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and a guy named Kevin Durant?”

“I am so confused,” Takaki said, looking to Keito for help.

“We’re looking for Yuto’s missing shoe,” Keito explained, as Yamada started examining Takaki’s fingernails for potential evidence. Takaki, who still looked rather confused, just let Yamada keep looking without a word.

“Did you try checking the lost and found box?” Takaki finally asked as Yamada had given up on his fingernails and was now lying on the floor to look at the shoes and socks he was wearing.

“Excellent suggestion, Takaki,” Yamada said while sniffing his shoelaces. He grimaced when the only smell he got was sweaty feet from dance practice earlier. “Why didn’t you think of that, Keito?” 

Keito shrugged. 

“Well good luck with… whatever you’re doing,” Takaki said, “but I’ve got to go now. I heard Hikaru was challenging people to a juggling contest earlier, so I’m gonna go watch that.” 

Having given up on finding the missing shoe among the rows and rows of Johnnys costumes, Yamada dragged Keito out of the room to the lost and found box located on the second floor of the building. “We must follow the clues wherever they lead us,” he said.

“It wasn’t a clue,” Keito pointed out. “Just a suggestion from Takaki, and I question your judgment for listening to him considering that he usually gives bad advice.” 

Yamada had decided that Keito’s complaints were not important. “Never mind any of that. We are solving a mystery right now.” While he was talking, he had actually climbed into the huge box full of abandoned, unclaimed belongings. He was up to his knees in jackets, hats, pants, and other random things that people had misplaced and never picked up. 

“Hey, what are you guys doing?” a voice called out. Keito and Yamada turned to see Daiki walking past, looking confused at the scene before him. “Did you lose something?”

“We’re investigating a very important case,” Yamada explained as he tossed a bright Hawaiian shirt out of the box. Keito ducked under the shirt when it came flying in his direction. There was no way to know how long that thing had been in the box.

“You’re solving mysteries without me?” Daiki exclaimed, looking offended. “But we solve mysteries in our drama together!”

“Seriously, we’re just looking for Yuto’s missing shoe,” Keito muttered, “which is something Yuto could have done himself.” He dodged another piece of flying clothing, this time a shirt with Sailor Moon emblazoned on the front. He briefly wondered whether the owner of that shirt had perhaps misplaced it on purpose.

“Sorry,” Yamada explained, “but Keito and I were the ones who solved the mystery of my missing yogurt together, so he’s Watson.”

“…but we never actually found out who took your yogurt that time,” Keito said, and then wondered why he even bothered. Everyone seemed to be determined to ignore his comments today. He was beginning to feel like the only sane person in the entirety of the company. Which may or may not have been true.

“But I can come up with theories to solve the mystery,” Daiki continued. “I have good ideas.”

“Let’s hear your ideas then,” Yamada said, settling against the edge of the box to listen. 

“Abducted by aliens,” Daiki said with the most serious voice Keito had ever heard. “The aliens took Yuto’s shoe to study us.” Keito resisted the urge to begin banging his head on the wall behind him. 

“I’m thinking that’s probably not what happened,” Yamada said, shaking his head. “Unless the aliens are really interested in that Kevin Durant guy.”

“Is he some Hollywood celebrity?” Daiki asked in confusion but Yamada only shrugged in response. Having realized that his alien theory wasn’t going to fly, Daiki instead switched to his next one. “ _Or_ the shoe fell into a portal leading to the fourth dimension.”

“The fourth dimension?”

“It’s the place where missing socks go.”

“Oh…” Yamada said in understanding. “Well I hope not. I don’t know how to get there. I suppose if we _did_ find a portal to the fourth dimension, I’d have to send Keito through it.”

“Wait, what?” Keito protested, “Why me?” He had been slowly inching towards the door in order to make his escape while Yamada was distracted, but he hadn’t made it far enough. Yamada seemed to have no answer to Keito’s question and silently went back to digging through the clothes. When he felt like the coast was clear, Keito began his slow escape once again.

Daiki crossed his arms when he finally realized that they weren’t listening to his theories about the missing shoe. “I give up,” he declared. “I made a bet with Yabu on Hikaru’s juggling contest and I should go check to see if Chinen managed to win anything.” 

Keito was about to sneak out the door behind Daiki when a pair of pants hit him in the back of the head. He turned around to see Yamada tossing clothes around in his search again. Keito picked up the pants which looked suspiciously like something he’d seen NEWS wear in concert once. He took a brief moment to fold them up and lay them in sight just in case someone actually wanted to claim them. 

“Hey, a bento!” Yamada exclaimed, holding up a plain-looking wooden lunch box. “Wonder if there’s anything in here.”

“You probably shouldn’t eat that,” Keito said as Yamada opened the top. There were some onigiri inside, but the rice had dulled in color instead of being its usual fresh white. He couldn’t even guess how long it had been languishing in the lost and found box.

“It could be an important clue,” Yamada said, picking up one and sniffing it. Before Keito could speak again, Yamada took a bite. 

Keito could have sworn that Yamada instantly turned a distinct shade of green that rivaled a freshly cut lawn.

“Disgusting,” Yamada said with a mouth full of moldy rice.

“I told you,” Keito said. “What’s the point of me being Watson if you never listen to me anyway?”

“I’ll ask the questions around here,” Yamada said as soon as he managed to swallow his bite of onigiri. He looked like was about to throw up so he climbed out of the box. “I have deduced that Yuto’s missing shoe is not here. And I’ve also discovered that this bento has been here a long time.”

“Brilliant deductions, Sherlock,” Keito said in the most deadpan voice he could muster up. 

“Yama-chaaaaaan! Keitooooooo!” a voice called out and they both turned to see Yuto sticking his head through the doorway. “I’ve been looking for you guys.” He looked much happier than the last time they had seen him.

“We haven’t uncovered your shoe yet,” Yamada explained, “but we will soon. I can feel it in my gut.” He patted his stomach for emphasis.

“That’s probably just indigestion from the onigiri,” Keito muttered.

Yuto made a submissive wave with his hand. “Oh, no worries. My mom just called and said she found the missing shoe under my bed this morning. I didn’t even realize it wasn’t in my bag when I left earlier. Thanks anyway though.” With a cheerful grin, Yuto disappeared from the doorway, leaving Yamada and Keito alone with the box of abandoned items.

Yamada put his hands on his hips. “Another mystery solved.”

“We didn’t actually do anything though.”

“It was a good learning experience, a good practice run,” Yamada said. “I hope you took notes.” 

Keito sighed once again. “This experience is forever ingrained in my brain I think.”

“Okay, well, see you later Keito,” Yamada said, putting his magnifying glass away for now. “I’m feeling sort of nauseous.” He left, presumably, to find the nearest bathroom. Keito certainly wasn’t in an investigating mood to find out for sure though. He tossed the bento and its’ disgusting onigiri into the trash can, and then Keito was off to find the nearest break room to resume the nap he was interrupted from earlier. 

He had no idea that this was to be the beginning of many cases to solve with Yamada.

**Author's Note:**

> Kevin Durant is an NBA basketball player and [those PB&J shoes](http://www.nike.com/us/en_us/launch/c/2013-10/kd-vi-pb-j/) are real.
> 
> There was an episode of Shounen Club back in 2010 (I think) where Yuto, Takaki, and Daiki had to rank everyone in HSJ by the number of sneakers they owned. Yuto was #1 with about 33 pair.


End file.
